It wasn't about my father. My nephew was killed in a traffic accident this morning. He was twenty.
I haven't seen my brother and his family for nearly fifteen years. The last time I saw C, he was a young child. I remember how bright he was, and how interested in everything. I remember how he would grab my hand to take me to see his garden.
My mother wants me to come out there, and of course I will. But not for my mother or father's sake. I'll go for my brother's sake. I remember when C was born, my brother holding him, staring in awe at the tiny life that was now in his care. He must be devastated. He was so proud of his son.
For me, C left my life when I left my family. I have had a few letters, and pictures sent by e-mail. I sent Christmas gifts. But, really, I don't have an emotional connection to the person he was today.
I would have liked to stay in closer touch with C and his sister, but I could not find a way to do so without getting sucked back into the hole I was trying to climb out of.
As I got my life together, I kept thinking I ought to try to get back to my family, but never really had much of a drive to do so. After all, I have my new "family" here; sane, supportive people who I can count on. I have my career, my loving husband, a decent house and reliable car. Why would I want to cozy up to a pack of crazy people, who live like animals, and take a chance of getting saddled again with the baggage I have finally left behind?
Sad. But, that's how it is.
I'll go and offer what comfort I can to my brother. My husband will be with me, so I won't get sucked back into the mire. It'll be grey and rainy. But, then, I will come home again, and live in the sunshine.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Most excellent butterscotch fudge
My latest experiment is a success!
2 cups brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 sticks margarine
2/3 cup evaporated milk
Butterscotch baking chips (11 oz minimum. 12 oz is best)
small jar of marshmallow cream
vanilla
Grease a pan to cool the fudge in. Make sure you have a hand held mixer ready.
_______________
Melt the sugar, margarine and milk in a large pot, stirring slowly but constantly, bring to a boil. Boil 4 minutes at sea level, 5 minutes in the mountains. It'll get frothy.
Take the pot off the heat, add a dash of vanilla, and stir in the butterscotch chips. Then add the marshmallow cream. Beat until well mixed and glossy, and pour it in the pan.
That's it! Cut it and store it in a sealed container. (If it lasts that long, of course.)
I highly recommend using a wooden spoon or silicone candy spatula to stir, and a non-stick pot. It's so much easier!
2 cups brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
1 1/2 sticks margarine
2/3 cup evaporated milk
Butterscotch baking chips (11 oz minimum. 12 oz is best)
small jar of marshmallow cream
vanilla
Grease a pan to cool the fudge in. Make sure you have a hand held mixer ready.
_______________
Melt the sugar, margarine and milk in a large pot, stirring slowly but constantly, bring to a boil. Boil 4 minutes at sea level, 5 minutes in the mountains. It'll get frothy.
Take the pot off the heat, add a dash of vanilla, and stir in the butterscotch chips. Then add the marshmallow cream. Beat until well mixed and glossy, and pour it in the pan.
That's it! Cut it and store it in a sealed container. (If it lasts that long, of course.)
I highly recommend using a wooden spoon or silicone candy spatula to stir, and a non-stick pot. It's so much easier!
I'm up early this morning.
I was awakened by the telephone. If I hadn't had that e-mail from my mother yesterday, I would just have checked the message when I got up later. But, I staggered out of bed and went to the phone. I picked up, but the caller had already left their message and hung up.
So, I checked the message.
It was a co-worker of my husband, calling to see if he had overslept or something. Hm. About half an hour after he's supposed to be there. Yup, he took his motorcycle to work this morning. Twenty degrees outside, and he's on his motorcycle.
Probably it's just a traffic jam, after all, it is the holiday season, and it only takes one idiot...
Nope. No way I am going back to bed.
I was awakened by the telephone. If I hadn't had that e-mail from my mother yesterday, I would just have checked the message when I got up later. But, I staggered out of bed and went to the phone. I picked up, but the caller had already left their message and hung up.
So, I checked the message.
It was a co-worker of my husband, calling to see if he had overslept or something. Hm. About half an hour after he's supposed to be there. Yup, he took his motorcycle to work this morning. Twenty degrees outside, and he's on his motorcycle.
Probably it's just a traffic jam, after all, it is the holiday season, and it only takes one idiot...
Nope. No way I am going back to bed.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Wednesday morning thoughts
I'm doing my usual morning routine, checking my e-mail, my newsgroups and forums, and ad campaigns. Ambling around the internet while I drink my one cup of coffee for the day.
I will be going to the studio later today, to meet someone about doing some shows in December.
What is on my mind though, is the e-mail I just got from my mother. My father is going to Houston to see the cardiac surgeon again. He's 71, and his health has been breaking down for some time.
The first thing I think of is the fact that my mother only e-mails me when something is bad. She is an amazingly discouraging person. The only way I could make any headway on my own anxieties and depressions was to stop talking to her on the phone. E-mail only.
So, I wonder, how bad is this? Is it a routine checkup, or should I be shopping for a black dress?
All she sent was a note that they were going (it's a four hour drive from where they live, unless my mother is driving, then it's six) and that she would let me know more later.
I replied, asking for more details, but I don't expect a response for several days.
I suppose I could e-mail my brother, and see if he knows anything.
...but that would only encourage him to send me more of his religious ranting.
The real problem is that I don't know if I [i]care[/i] any more. Let's just say that my father and I never got along.
I guess I will continue with my morning routine, go to the studio, and do my business, and see what happens.
I will be going to the studio later today, to meet someone about doing some shows in December.
What is on my mind though, is the e-mail I just got from my mother. My father is going to Houston to see the cardiac surgeon again. He's 71, and his health has been breaking down for some time.
The first thing I think of is the fact that my mother only e-mails me when something is bad. She is an amazingly discouraging person. The only way I could make any headway on my own anxieties and depressions was to stop talking to her on the phone. E-mail only.
So, I wonder, how bad is this? Is it a routine checkup, or should I be shopping for a black dress?
All she sent was a note that they were going (it's a four hour drive from where they live, unless my mother is driving, then it's six) and that she would let me know more later.
I replied, asking for more details, but I don't expect a response for several days.
I suppose I could e-mail my brother, and see if he knows anything.
...but that would only encourage him to send me more of his religious ranting.
The real problem is that I don't know if I [i]care[/i] any more. Let's just say that my father and I never got along.
I guess I will continue with my morning routine, go to the studio, and do my business, and see what happens.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Pencil sketch
This was the working drawing for the second drawing in the Fairlyn series, "Invitation to join the Brotherhood".
Like I need another way to waste time online.
I have started this blog. Just on a whim. I will probably use it to post sketches of work in progress and ask for comments.
Or, I might just ramble.
Or, I might just ramble.
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