Friday, May 25, 2012

I refuse the obligation to be "sexy".

There's a pervasive sense in our culture that everyone (but especially women) are obliged to not only be physically attractive, but to be sexy.  There are rules about what counts as attractive and sexy, that do not take into account that both of these things are in the eye of the beholder, not in the person being seen.

What I'm observing is a conflation of what used to be called sacred beauty and profane beauty.  Sacred beauty is beauty of the spirit, profane beauty is sexual attractiveness.

In old stories, and silent movies, you can see this represented. Our Hero is attracted by the sexy beauty, but eventually sees the light and settles down with the girl who is kind and practical, and spiritually beautiful.

And, no she does not have big boobs.

In modern stories and movies, both women are sexy, and the hero winds up with the one who "truly loves him", that is, obsesses about him more.

(Or, if the main character is female, she frequently marries her stalker, because he must "really care".)

Our society has lost track of what's important in relationships.  The deep attraction of spirit for spirit has been replaced by sexual obsession and a shallow desire for appearances.

Even without the arbitrary standards of what counts as "sexy", this would cause an epidemic of neurosis, but add the impossible physical requirements and you've got a whole society of very sick people.

The result is booming business in nose jobs, face lifts, breast implants, liposuction and diet programs. 

Also booming business in anti-depressants, as people who really do have better things to do with their lives become convinced that they must be "beautiful" if they are going to have a good life.

Well, I don't buy into that any more.  I enjoy getting all sexied up sometimes, but I no longer feel obliged.  I am quite happy to wear comfortable clothes and have saggy boobs.  I don't "owe it" to society to remake my body in a particular image.

I also know that I am beautiful, in my own way.