I refuse the obligation to be "sexy".

There's a pervasive sense in our culture that everyone (but especially women) are obliged to not only be physically attractive, but to be sexy.  There are rules about what counts as attractive and sexy, that do not take into account that both of these things are in the eye of the beholder, not in the person being seen.

What I'm observing is a conflation of what used to be called sacred beauty and profane beauty.  Sacred beauty is beauty of the spirit, profane beauty is sexual attractiveness.

In old stories, and silent movies, you can see this represented. Our Hero is attracted by the sexy beauty, but eventually sees the light and settles down with the girl who is kind and practical, and spiritually beautiful.

And, no she does not have big boobs.

In modern stories and movies, both women are sexy, and the hero winds up with the one who "truly loves him", that is, obsesses about him more.

(Or, if the main character is female, she frequently marries her stalker, because he must "really care".)

Our society has lost track of what's important in relationships.  The deep attraction of spirit for spirit has been replaced by sexual obsession and a shallow desire for appearances.

Even without the arbitrary standards of what counts as "sexy", this would cause an epidemic of neurosis, but add the impossible physical requirements and you've got a whole society of very sick people.

The result is booming business in nose jobs, face lifts, breast implants, liposuction and diet programs. 

Also booming business in anti-depressants, as people who really do have better things to do with their lives become convinced that they must be "beautiful" if they are going to have a good life.

Well, I don't buy into that any more.  I enjoy getting all sexied up sometimes, but I no longer feel obliged.  I am quite happy to wear comfortable clothes and have saggy boobs.  I don't "owe it" to society to remake my body in a particular image.

I also know that I am beautiful, in my own way.

For this set, I took the flower out on the patio.

Here, I set it on the railing, to the left, facing the sun.




















In this shot, I set the vase on the right end of the railing, with the sun directly behind it.

Here, I moved the vase a little to the left, so that the sun is behind and to the right. This lets the sunlight filtering through the petal light up the core of the flower for a more even exposure.


This is the one of this set I will probably work on and eventually submit.

All these pictures (including the first set) were taken only a minute or two apart. Taking just a little time to think about and look over your available lighting can make a big difference in your photo.

All of the pictures in this tutorial were taken somewhere in this scene. I used the light exactly as you see it here. Not even reflectors. The changes in lighting were all done by simply moving my subject around.








Here is the "snapshot" version of the subject. A peace lily in a glass. (I know it's out of focus, this is about the lighting)

















The only editing I have done in the following pictures is to crop them to similar scale, and paint the backgrounds black. I have done no other editing.

Here is the lily where it was sitting in the first picture.



















Here it is rotated 90 degrees, and moved a few inches. this puts it under one of the little spotlights on the underside of the cabinets.

















Here, I have rotated it another 90 degrees, and moved it two feet closer to the wall. Here, it is not only under a spotlight, it is getting some sunlight from the patio door.
















Any of these could be improved with editing, but the last one is starting from a better place. It has a crisper focus because there was more light on the subject. The color is closer to correct, and the lighting is more even.

The second picture could be made nice, as well. The shadows are more interesting than in the third picture. But, it would be tricky to get the contrast adjusted well without bringing out the grain.

The first picture is hopeless, and not worth spending time doing further editing on. Adjusting the contrast for a lively appearance would produce grain, and the shallow depth of field would make it unacceptable for many stock sites.


.

About scriptures in serial numbers on guns: A caution to Christians.

I will start by pointing out that faith in the written word is not limited to Christianity. It is common in many faiths to write sacred words down, enclose them in some sort of special container, and wear or carry these objects. The purpose can be to protect the bearer from evil, to bring them closer to an understanding of the Divine, or to amplify their prayers.

The significant aspect here is that the bearer knows he is carrying a sacred talisman.

If you write "I will walk in the ways of the Lord all the days of my life." on a piece of paper, and put it in your shoe, you are observing a human custom that goes all the way back to the first written symbols.

This can be a wonderful tool for the Faithful, in developing their spirituality.

But, what if you don't know it's there? Does the scripture still have power?

Many people, Christian or otherwise, believe it does. To anyone who thinks it is a good idea to hide scriptures in things for general distribution, you should consider how a non-Christian might feel upon discovering it.

So, think about this. Suppose you opened your wallet, and on the back side of the little fabric label with the maker's name on it, you found an Islamic scripture, or even a Satanic symbol?

How would you feel? Would you keep the wallet?

Surely, you would feel as though you had been attacked. At the very least put upon.

As I understand it, as a Christian, your God has charged you with one mission, and one mission only. That is to spread the word of Jesus and Salvation, so that all may be saved.

The person must be aware of Jesus, and consciously accept him, and Salvation.

What happens when you sneak a scripture into their stuff? Will they become aware of Jesus, and accept salvation? Or are they more likely to throw the item away in disgust, and decide that Jesus is a sneaky, underhanded deceiver?

You have to think these things though. No one can be forced to accept Christ. It wouldn't be right to do so, even if it were possible. If you try to be sneaky about it, you are only going to drive people away.

People like me.

Positive thinking alone is toxic

There's a fad philosophy going around right now, best represented by the book, "The Secret". It's a re-hash of the "positive thinking" fad of the 20th century.

The basic idea is that you can improve your life just by thinking the right way, and "attracting" positive things to yourself.

There is a small amount of truth to this. If you are not on the lookout for good things, you can easily miss them. A person with a defeatist attitude will just sit in misery, rather than take action to change it.

But, there are two really BAD things about this idea.

The first is that it encourages people to faith without action. If you can get what you want by sitting in your back yard and meditating, why go out and work for it? The truth is, if you want to be a Marine Biologist, visualizing it is all well and good, but you still need to get into the Ocean and study.
(Nearly twenty years ago, I wrote a rant on this very topic. It was called "God answers prayer; He does not grant wishes.")

The second, and worst bad thing about the idea is the unconscious way in which it blames people for bad things that happen to them. If you can attract things with your thoughts, and a tornado wipes out your house... well, you must have wanted to get rid of that house!

A friend of mine who thinks "The Secret" is something wonderful and new has a lot of trouble facing the more unpleasant aspects of reality. She was upset to hear news of the Virginia Tech shooting. So were most of us. The idea that you can be minding your own business and someone just wanders in and shoots you is not a happy one. However, it is a possibility. It's not likely, but it is possible. My friend simply could not accept that. She actually said to me, "I guess those people were ready to move on..." meaning that they were killed because they wanted to die.

THAT is the ultimate conclusion of all these "positive thoughts" philosophies.

It leads not only to blaming people for bad things that happen to them, but to believing that, because you don't want bad things to happen to you, they won't.

The world simply does not work that way.

If a meteor falls on your head, it is not because you didn't have the right thoughts. It's because meteors occasionally fall, and you happened to be standing where one fell. It's not personal, it's not your fault, it has no meaning. The important thing is what you DO about a rock falling on your head at random.

Once you have put your hands to your head to feel the knot, and said "ow!ow!ow!" you can react in several ways.

If you subscribe to "The Secret" philosophy, and you can go over and over your thinking to see how you attracted this negative event. Or you can puzzle over what great lesson the Universe has for you in this pain.

Or, you can look for the rock, find it, and think it's pretty cool that you got hit by a meteor, and show it off to your friends.

The great lesson is that, sometimes rocks fall from the sky, and if you happen to be standing under it at the time, you get a painful lump on your head.

Don't do meth

Meth is poison.

It's nasty stuff. I was still doing drugs when it started showing up, and it scared the old-timers. Long time junkies and potheads saw what it did to people and wouldn't touch the stuff.

If junkies think it's bad shit...

The difficulty with controlling meth is that it is so easy to make. There are some organized manufacturers and dealers, but more than half of it is homebrew, a sort of twisted entrepeneurial venture.

The only cure I see for meth abuse is REAL drug education. The problem with current "official" drug education is that it calls all drugs equally bad. Using ANY illegal drug just once will "ruin your life!" Kids read that, and then they see their friends try pot, and NOT turn in to raving potheads. So, it's natural for them to assume that, if that part was a lie, it's all lies.

Part of the problem is also WHY people do drugs. Young people try things. They play dangerous games like "space monkey", and experiment with drugs because they are curious about the world, and about their own sensations. There's no real cure for that. The best that can be done is to keep young people from becoming bored, by keeping them challenged in positive ways.

Other people turn to drugs as self-medication. They don't feel good. Drugs make them feel better. (or at least, feel nothing for a while) The solution to that is to find young people who have emotional problems and get them some proper medical help before they discover the pleasures of illegal drugs.

The problem with meth is that, unlike other illegal drugs, meth really IS instantly, aggressively addictive. Most people who try pot don't turn into addicts. Most people who try meth, DO. It's orders of magnitude more dangerous to play with.

A lot of the victims of meth had no idea what they were getting into. They thought it would be like sneaking a drink or a cigarette, or smoking pot behind the gym. These things produce a sense of intoxication that most people find pleasant.

Meth does something quite different.

Endorphins are our bodies' pleasure hormones. If you ride a roller coaster, and feel "up" afterward, that's endorphins. After sex, which produces one set of endorphins, if you lay around just grinning and feeling good, that's more endorphins. That satisfied feeling after doing some really hard physical work is endorphins, too. They are our reward for taking risks, working hard, and procreating.

Meth causes the body to produce vast quantities of almost every endorphin. Researchers were flabbergasted by the amounts they found in the blood of users. They didn't think the body could produce that much. The effect is short lived, and afterward, hormone production, exhausted, shuts down completely. Blood levels drop below the levels found in most sufferers of clinical depression.

So, it takes you to heights you never knew before (and can't get to any other way), then dumps you in a pit.

A young person seeking sensation, or a poor person seeking a brief respite from life, stumbles into this pit, and can't get out. Even if, intellectually, you know that you just have to wait a while for your brain to get working again, it's hard to just let yourself stay miserable when there is someone there with a crystal that will make you feel all better again. And, you tell yourself, "I'll just do a little bit... just enough to feel better... that's all...then no more..."

This is the one drug where never trying it at all is really the truth. I wouldn't advise anyone to try drugs in general, but if you do decide to mess around... don't do this one.

.

Scandal in the BDSM scene!

Did you know that there is an international contest for Master and Slave?

http://www.internationalmasterandslave2008.com/
http://www.masterslaveconference.org/

Yup, kinky folk from around the world compete for who is the year's best, and title holders are as busy as Miss America during their year.

Well.... it seems that this year's Southwest Master is part of a budding scandal. A woman is accusing him of assault!

The reason she is accusing him of this is because, instead of using a whip, he used his fists.

To outsiders, that may seem bizarre, even silly, but it is a serious accusation. People who indulge in BDSM activities have strong social rules in place to prevent abuse. The biggest social rule is negotiation. Before anyone hits anyone else with anything, the two of them talk about what is "fun" and what is "not at all fun". This is different for everyone, so the negotiation is important.

A masochistic person may really enjoy being struck with various "toys". They may get a lot of sexual arousal, and even orgasm from it. BUT, a slap on the butt with a belt may recall childhood discipline too strongly, and change the whole situation into something way too freaky weird.

This sort of thing is known as an "emotional land mine". Everyone has them. We don't always know where they are, though. Sometimes, even with negotiation, they get stepped on. A sweet submissive woman who is happily moaning, "more, more.." turns into a slavering beast intent on ripping someone's throat out. There are ways of coping with these incidents, but it is best to avoid them in the first place.

How one avoids emotional land mines is by talking to people before doing anything kinky. An experienced person knows what they can do, and what they can't. As people get to know each other better, they can try new things, and stretch their boundaries. But, first time "playing" with each other, the rule is to not go outside what was originally discussed.

Where things get iffy is "in-scene" negotiation. This happens when someone gets an idea while playing, and suggests it at that time. This doesn't seem like a problem, after all, it's still negotiation, right? Not quite.

It's a problem of endorphins. Those hormones that we all produce in response to pain and physical stress. Someone who has produced a lot of endorphins is called "dorphed", and it is similar to being stoned or drunk. People who are dorphed may agree to things they would not when they were sober.

Beginners often make this mistake, and wind up doing a lot of apologizing and cleaning up.

A Titleholder is not a beginner. He should know better.

Apparently, the two people involved had negotiated for a "scene" with a short whip called a singletail. This was the first time they had played together, and they were not Master and Slave to each other. After using the whip for a while, the man allegedly leaned in and asked, "would you like to try some punching?" to which the woman replied, "uh.. sure... a little..." He then proceeded to use his fists on her until she went into shock.

Even that might have been something that could be worked out privately, but the woman claims that not only did the man NOT apologize, or try to figure out what went wrong, or see if she needed medical assistance, but he asked her to keep the incident a secret.

She's not keeping it a secret.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Players in the BDSM scene rarely file criminal charges on each other, because police involvement so easily gets out of hand. It is very difficult to explain to law enforcement, a prosecutor, judge, and jury, the difference between "play" and abuse. The mud winds up splashed on everybody.


.