Thursday, December 20, 2012

please.

No matter what your stand on guns, you  have to admit, the gun did not make him want to hurt people.

This is the issue.  Why would someone want to do such a horrific thing?

I see the problem as rooted in our culture.  We are paranoid.  Our attitude toward people we see as wrongdoers is to punish, rather than help.  Our heroes are men of action, not of deep thought or empathy.  We're not happy with a crime show unless there's murder in it. 

We look askance at strangers, as though anyone might be a terrorist or pedophile.  We even hesitate to hold a friend's hand, lest it be mistaken for sexual deviation. 

What chance does someone who is emotionally fragile have in such a culture?  Maybe all they need is a good friend to keep them stable, but they can't get one, because they're "creepy".

We have plenty of solid evidence that human contact is something we NEED.  Without touch, and talk, and interaction with others, we get ill, both physically and mentally.

You want to do something about Sandy Hook?  You want to help?  Then go out every day and be friendly.  Talk to the creepy people.   99% of them are NOT terrorists, or pedophiles, or psychopaths, they are just pathetic people who need some help. 

Volunteer for some social service.  Be a Big Brother, work at a youth outreach.  Study counseling, and become an arbitrator.  Do something nice.

Stop watching reality shows where conflict is created rather than resolved.  Stop watching news about how awful the world is.  Talk to people. 

Change our culture.  I know this sounds naive, but I really believe that simply being nicer to everyone (not just people we approve of!) can change the direction our world is going.  Not through some mystical vibes, but through simple, practical, engagement.  It's going to take work.  We must be dedicated to remembering to think twice before dismissing someone as "a jerk" or "a weirdo" and think of them as fellow human beings with problems like ours.  We can't afford to continue to think of other people as "someone else's problem" or as "not worth the trouble".

If we can do this, we can help people before they do something heinous.   We've tried being harder and it's not working.  Let's be nicer.

Please.

Friday, May 25, 2012

I refuse the obligation to be "sexy".

There's a pervasive sense in our culture that everyone (but especially women) are obliged to not only be physically attractive, but to be sexy.  There are rules about what counts as attractive and sexy, that do not take into account that both of these things are in the eye of the beholder, not in the person being seen.

What I'm observing is a conflation of what used to be called sacred beauty and profane beauty.  Sacred beauty is beauty of the spirit, profane beauty is sexual attractiveness.

In old stories, and silent movies, you can see this represented. Our Hero is attracted by the sexy beauty, but eventually sees the light and settles down with the girl who is kind and practical, and spiritually beautiful.

And, no she does not have big boobs.

In modern stories and movies, both women are sexy, and the hero winds up with the one who "truly loves him", that is, obsesses about him more.

(Or, if the main character is female, she frequently marries her stalker, because he must "really care".)

Our society has lost track of what's important in relationships.  The deep attraction of spirit for spirit has been replaced by sexual obsession and a shallow desire for appearances.

Even without the arbitrary standards of what counts as "sexy", this would cause an epidemic of neurosis, but add the impossible physical requirements and you've got a whole society of very sick people.

The result is booming business in nose jobs, face lifts, breast implants, liposuction and diet programs. 

Also booming business in anti-depressants, as people who really do have better things to do with their lives become convinced that they must be "beautiful" if they are going to have a good life.

Well, I don't buy into that any more.  I enjoy getting all sexied up sometimes, but I no longer feel obliged.  I am quite happy to wear comfortable clothes and have saggy boobs.  I don't "owe it" to society to remake my body in a particular image.

I also know that I am beautiful, in my own way.