Scandal in the BDSM scene!

Did you know that there is an international contest for Master and Slave?

http://www.internationalmasterandslave2008.com/
http://www.masterslaveconference.org/

Yup, kinky folk from around the world compete for who is the year's best, and title holders are as busy as Miss America during their year.

Well.... it seems that this year's Southwest Master is part of a budding scandal. A woman is accusing him of assault!

The reason she is accusing him of this is because, instead of using a whip, he used his fists.

To outsiders, that may seem bizarre, even silly, but it is a serious accusation. People who indulge in BDSM activities have strong social rules in place to prevent abuse. The biggest social rule is negotiation. Before anyone hits anyone else with anything, the two of them talk about what is "fun" and what is "not at all fun". This is different for everyone, so the negotiation is important.

A masochistic person may really enjoy being struck with various "toys". They may get a lot of sexual arousal, and even orgasm from it. BUT, a slap on the butt with a belt may recall childhood discipline too strongly, and change the whole situation into something way too freaky weird.

This sort of thing is known as an "emotional land mine". Everyone has them. We don't always know where they are, though. Sometimes, even with negotiation, they get stepped on. A sweet submissive woman who is happily moaning, "more, more.." turns into a slavering beast intent on ripping someone's throat out. There are ways of coping with these incidents, but it is best to avoid them in the first place.

How one avoids emotional land mines is by talking to people before doing anything kinky. An experienced person knows what they can do, and what they can't. As people get to know each other better, they can try new things, and stretch their boundaries. But, first time "playing" with each other, the rule is to not go outside what was originally discussed.

Where things get iffy is "in-scene" negotiation. This happens when someone gets an idea while playing, and suggests it at that time. This doesn't seem like a problem, after all, it's still negotiation, right? Not quite.

It's a problem of endorphins. Those hormones that we all produce in response to pain and physical stress. Someone who has produced a lot of endorphins is called "dorphed", and it is similar to being stoned or drunk. People who are dorphed may agree to things they would not when they were sober.

Beginners often make this mistake, and wind up doing a lot of apologizing and cleaning up.

A Titleholder is not a beginner. He should know better.

Apparently, the two people involved had negotiated for a "scene" with a short whip called a singletail. This was the first time they had played together, and they were not Master and Slave to each other. After using the whip for a while, the man allegedly leaned in and asked, "would you like to try some punching?" to which the woman replied, "uh.. sure... a little..." He then proceeded to use his fists on her until she went into shock.

Even that might have been something that could be worked out privately, but the woman claims that not only did the man NOT apologize, or try to figure out what went wrong, or see if she needed medical assistance, but he asked her to keep the incident a secret.

She's not keeping it a secret.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Players in the BDSM scene rarely file criminal charges on each other, because police involvement so easily gets out of hand. It is very difficult to explain to law enforcement, a prosecutor, judge, and jury, the difference between "play" and abuse. The mud winds up splashed on everybody.


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