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People get weird about things when genitals get involved.  So, here's a scenario with the same emotional factors as rape, but without the sexual content.

Suppose you really like quiche.  (you can picture something else if you hate quiche, something you really like)

You eat quiche a lot, and when people offer it to you, you usually take it.  You hang out on quiche forums, and have a t-shirt with something about quiche on it.

One day, someone you know offers you quiche.  You don't like this person, and don't want to accept a gift from them, even if it is quiche.  So, you politely turn them down.

That's when they get scary.  They insist, "I want you to eat my quiche."

Maybe your memory isn't too clear on exactly what happens next.  You do remember saying again, quite firmly, that you do not want the quiche.  Maybe you try to be nice and calm them down, and persuade them to go away.  Maybe you fight and are outmatched.  Maybe they have a gun, and, as humiliating as it is, you give in rather than get shot.

However it goes, they are able to physically overpower you, overcome your resistance, and make you eat the quiche.
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Does anyone here think this was anything other than a frightening act of violence?

If this happened to you, and you reported this assault, would you expect to have your own quiche habits questioned?

    "How often do you eat quiche?"
    "How many people have you accepted quiche from in the past?"
    "Isn't it true you accepted quiche from this person before?"
    "Did the quiche taste good?"
    "After you swallowed the quiche, did you digest it?"
    "Why didn't you fight harder?"
    "What did you do to make them think you wanted to eat their quiche?"

Would you expect people, including your friends and family, to make comments such as these?

    "But, you like quiche, so it couldn't have been that bad an experience."
    "Why are you giving this person such a hard time about it?  You could ruin their career!"
    "You were wearing that quiche t-shirt, what did you expect?"
    "If it tasted good, you must have actually wanted it."
    "If you hadn't been hanging out at the quiche parlor, this wouldn't have happened."
    "It was only quiche."
    "God sent this experience to teach you to eat real American food, instead of that French stuff."

The questions and comments are just as nonsensical in a case of rape.  Just because the assault, rather than being forced acceptance of food, is forced sexual contact, does not change the dynamic.  Rape is no more about sex than the assault I just described is about food.

Exercize #1:  Most of you probably read this picturing a male assailant, and female victim.  Try the story again, picturing a female assailant, and male victim.  Try it with both women, and with both men.  How do your opinions and expectations of the two characters change with gender?  Do your feelings about the questions and comments change with gender?

Exercize #2:  How would your reactions change if the victim had never had quiche before, and only had a vague idea that it was some sort of food? 

Exercize #3:  In the story, I specified that the reason you don't want the quiche is because you don't like the person offering it.  How would things change if the quiche was being offered by someone you DID like, and you turned it down because you really just didn't want quiche at the moment?
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please.

No matter what your stand on guns, you  have to admit, the gun did not make him want to hurt people.

This is the issue.  Why would someone want to do such a horrific thing?

I see the problem as rooted in our culture.  We are paranoid.  Our attitude toward people we see as wrongdoers is to punish, rather than help.  Our heroes are men of action, not of deep thought or empathy.  We're not happy with a crime show unless there's murder in it. 

We look askance at strangers, as though anyone might be a terrorist or pedophile.  We even hesitate to hold a friend's hand, lest it be mistaken for sexual deviation. 

What chance does someone who is emotionally fragile have in such a culture?  Maybe all they need is a good friend to keep them stable, but they can't get one, because they're "creepy".

We have plenty of solid evidence that human contact is something we NEED.  Without touch, and talk, and interaction with others, we get ill, both physically and mentally.

You want to do something about Sandy Hook?  You want to help?  Then go out every day and be friendly.  Talk to the creepy people.   99% of them are NOT terrorists, or pedophiles, or psychopaths, they are just pathetic people who need some help. 

Volunteer for some social service.  Be a Big Brother, work at a youth outreach.  Study counseling, and become an arbitrator.  Do something nice.

Stop watching reality shows where conflict is created rather than resolved.  Stop watching news about how awful the world is.  Talk to people. 

Change our culture.  I know this sounds naive, but I really believe that simply being nicer to everyone (not just people we approve of!) can change the direction our world is going.  Not through some mystical vibes, but through simple, practical, engagement.  It's going to take work.  We must be dedicated to remembering to think twice before dismissing someone as "a jerk" or "a weirdo" and think of them as fellow human beings with problems like ours.  We can't afford to continue to think of other people as "someone else's problem" or as "not worth the trouble".

If we can do this, we can help people before they do something heinous.   We've tried being harder and it's not working.  Let's be nicer.

Please.

I refuse the obligation to be "sexy".

There's a pervasive sense in our culture that everyone (but especially women) are obliged to not only be physically attractive, but to be sexy.  There are rules about what counts as attractive and sexy, that do not take into account that both of these things are in the eye of the beholder, not in the person being seen.

What I'm observing is a conflation of what used to be called sacred beauty and profane beauty.  Sacred beauty is beauty of the spirit, profane beauty is sexual attractiveness.

In old stories, and silent movies, you can see this represented. Our Hero is attracted by the sexy beauty, but eventually sees the light and settles down with the girl who is kind and practical, and spiritually beautiful.

And, no she does not have big boobs.

In modern stories and movies, both women are sexy, and the hero winds up with the one who "truly loves him", that is, obsesses about him more.

(Or, if the main character is female, she frequently marries her stalker, because he must "really care".)

Our society has lost track of what's important in relationships.  The deep attraction of spirit for spirit has been replaced by sexual obsession and a shallow desire for appearances.

Even without the arbitrary standards of what counts as "sexy", this would cause an epidemic of neurosis, but add the impossible physical requirements and you've got a whole society of very sick people.

The result is booming business in nose jobs, face lifts, breast implants, liposuction and diet programs. 

Also booming business in anti-depressants, as people who really do have better things to do with their lives become convinced that they must be "beautiful" if they are going to have a good life.

Well, I don't buy into that any more.  I enjoy getting all sexied up sometimes, but I no longer feel obliged.  I am quite happy to wear comfortable clothes and have saggy boobs.  I don't "owe it" to society to remake my body in a particular image.

I also know that I am beautiful, in my own way.

For this set, I took the flower out on the patio.

Here, I set it on the railing, to the left, facing the sun.




















In this shot, I set the vase on the right end of the railing, with the sun directly behind it.

Here, I moved the vase a little to the left, so that the sun is behind and to the right. This lets the sunlight filtering through the petal light up the core of the flower for a more even exposure.


This is the one of this set I will probably work on and eventually submit.

All these pictures (including the first set) were taken only a minute or two apart. Taking just a little time to think about and look over your available lighting can make a big difference in your photo.

All of the pictures in this tutorial were taken somewhere in this scene. I used the light exactly as you see it here. Not even reflectors. The changes in lighting were all done by simply moving my subject around.








Here is the "snapshot" version of the subject. A peace lily in a glass. (I know it's out of focus, this is about the lighting)

















The only editing I have done in the following pictures is to crop them to similar scale, and paint the backgrounds black. I have done no other editing.

Here is the lily where it was sitting in the first picture.



















Here it is rotated 90 degrees, and moved a few inches. this puts it under one of the little spotlights on the underside of the cabinets.

















Here, I have rotated it another 90 degrees, and moved it two feet closer to the wall. Here, it is not only under a spotlight, it is getting some sunlight from the patio door.
















Any of these could be improved with editing, but the last one is starting from a better place. It has a crisper focus because there was more light on the subject. The color is closer to correct, and the lighting is more even.

The second picture could be made nice, as well. The shadows are more interesting than in the third picture. But, it would be tricky to get the contrast adjusted well without bringing out the grain.

The first picture is hopeless, and not worth spending time doing further editing on. Adjusting the contrast for a lively appearance would produce grain, and the shallow depth of field would make it unacceptable for many stock sites.


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About scriptures in serial numbers on guns: A caution to Christians.

I will start by pointing out that faith in the written word is not limited to Christianity. It is common in many faiths to write sacred words down, enclose them in some sort of special container, and wear or carry these objects. The purpose can be to protect the bearer from evil, to bring them closer to an understanding of the Divine, or to amplify their prayers.

The significant aspect here is that the bearer knows he is carrying a sacred talisman.

If you write "I will walk in the ways of the Lord all the days of my life." on a piece of paper, and put it in your shoe, you are observing a human custom that goes all the way back to the first written symbols.

This can be a wonderful tool for the Faithful, in developing their spirituality.

But, what if you don't know it's there? Does the scripture still have power?

Many people, Christian or otherwise, believe it does. To anyone who thinks it is a good idea to hide scriptures in things for general distribution, you should consider how a non-Christian might feel upon discovering it.

So, think about this. Suppose you opened your wallet, and on the back side of the little fabric label with the maker's name on it, you found an Islamic scripture, or even a Satanic symbol?

How would you feel? Would you keep the wallet?

Surely, you would feel as though you had been attacked. At the very least put upon.

As I understand it, as a Christian, your God has charged you with one mission, and one mission only. That is to spread the word of Jesus and Salvation, so that all may be saved.

The person must be aware of Jesus, and consciously accept him, and Salvation.

What happens when you sneak a scripture into their stuff? Will they become aware of Jesus, and accept salvation? Or are they more likely to throw the item away in disgust, and decide that Jesus is a sneaky, underhanded deceiver?

You have to think these things though. No one can be forced to accept Christ. It wouldn't be right to do so, even if it were possible. If you try to be sneaky about it, you are only going to drive people away.

People like me.

Positive thinking alone is toxic

There's a fad philosophy going around right now, best represented by the book, "The Secret". It's a re-hash of the "positive thinking" fad of the 20th century.

The basic idea is that you can improve your life just by thinking the right way, and "attracting" positive things to yourself.

There is a small amount of truth to this. If you are not on the lookout for good things, you can easily miss them. A person with a defeatist attitude will just sit in misery, rather than take action to change it.

But, there are two really BAD things about this idea.

The first is that it encourages people to faith without action. If you can get what you want by sitting in your back yard and meditating, why go out and work for it? The truth is, if you want to be a Marine Biologist, visualizing it is all well and good, but you still need to get into the Ocean and study.
(Nearly twenty years ago, I wrote a rant on this very topic. It was called "God answers prayer; He does not grant wishes.")

The second, and worst bad thing about the idea is the unconscious way in which it blames people for bad things that happen to them. If you can attract things with your thoughts, and a tornado wipes out your house... well, you must have wanted to get rid of that house!

A friend of mine who thinks "The Secret" is something wonderful and new has a lot of trouble facing the more unpleasant aspects of reality. She was upset to hear news of the Virginia Tech shooting. So were most of us. The idea that you can be minding your own business and someone just wanders in and shoots you is not a happy one. However, it is a possibility. It's not likely, but it is possible. My friend simply could not accept that. She actually said to me, "I guess those people were ready to move on..." meaning that they were killed because they wanted to die.

THAT is the ultimate conclusion of all these "positive thoughts" philosophies.

It leads not only to blaming people for bad things that happen to them, but to believing that, because you don't want bad things to happen to you, they won't.

The world simply does not work that way.

If a meteor falls on your head, it is not because you didn't have the right thoughts. It's because meteors occasionally fall, and you happened to be standing where one fell. It's not personal, it's not your fault, it has no meaning. The important thing is what you DO about a rock falling on your head at random.

Once you have put your hands to your head to feel the knot, and said "ow!ow!ow!" you can react in several ways.

If you subscribe to "The Secret" philosophy, and you can go over and over your thinking to see how you attracted this negative event. Or you can puzzle over what great lesson the Universe has for you in this pain.

Or, you can look for the rock, find it, and think it's pretty cool that you got hit by a meteor, and show it off to your friends.

The great lesson is that, sometimes rocks fall from the sky, and if you happen to be standing under it at the time, you get a painful lump on your head.